HIGHWAY TO YOUR HOME:
Exclusive interview with Melvin Mouse and why his pals want to party in your house…
Don’t need reason, don’t need rhyme/Ain’t nothing I would rather do/Going down, party time/
My friends are gonna be there too -ACDC
After my last exclusive interview with Rachel S. Raccoon, Rachel was able to help me set up my next wildlife exclusive. This time, I got to meet with her long-time friend, Melvin Mouse. Melvin has been in and out of the Milwaukee scene for quite a while (in mouse time, which is only about a year in human time.) He was really able to give me an inside peek into the goings-on behind the mouse party life. And let me tell you, they’re not as quiet and shy as they like us to believe.
“Mel, thanks for meeting with me today. I know you have about 2000 family and friends who might read this if you want to give a shout-out to them,” I say with a smile.
“Nah, none of us can read, thank goodness, cuz if they knew I was lettin’ you in on our secrets, I’d be cheese on toast!” he laughs with a squeak.
I lean forward in a more serious frame of mind, but also to see and hear him better. We’re in a mostly empty little Italian restaurant, my back hiding him from view. He’s in front of me on top of the table. I try to keep my voice down to a whisper so I don’t hurt Melvin’s ears. Plus, I don’t want any lingering diners to hear me talking to what looks like an empty table.
“So Mel, is it true that if you see one mouse, that means there’s at least a few more in the home?”
“A few?! There’s a ton of us! We love a good party! All we need is a nice warm house, some food in the pantry, or some bird seed, cat food or dog food somewhere, some nice pipes to lick water off of, and a bunch of walls to run up and down behind where you can’t see us. We get the whole run of the house,” Melvin spread out his tiny paws.
“So you can travel from a basement all the way up to an attic?” I was stunned. That seemed like a long way for a little mouse.
“Oh we go everywhere! Garage, attic, kitchen. You name it- we claim it! We party like rock stars! And the more we party, the more of us there ends up being- if you catch my drift,” he slyly winks at me. Gross.
“Well, what’s the best way we can stop your party, Mel?”
He frowns, “Probably call that horrible Advanced Wildlife Control. They’re a total buzz kill. They seal up all our party doors into the homes. They put out these black boxes that look like and smell like awesome buffet bars. Turns out it’s poison bait. They’ve got tricks that totally kill our good times.” He started munching on half a breadstick laying on the table.
“Thanks for your time, Mel.”
“No problem, toots,” he smiles showing two big front chompers, “What’s your address?”
I get up and leave without giving him, or his pals, any info for a new party destination.